the JOURNEY PT1 - leave the past BEHIND...
- CZ AKA Comfort Zone
- RC AKA Reality Check
- ST AKA Spirit of Truth
dZ: Hi, dZ HERE... I’m a traveller and for the past 10 years I’ve been looking for a place to call home. Don’t feel sorry for me though, I’ve made some VERY bad decisions and done things I sorely regret. Now there's even this guy called CZ that won't stop following me around wherever I go. Him and I go way back and whenever we're together we get up to all sorts! Things are always fun at first, but somehow I'm always the one left feeling bitter. I know he just wants to be my friend, but I’ve been avoiding him ever since I realised what a bad influence he is.
Yes. CZ is a terrible influence on me, but to be totally honest I'm more bothered by something else that I can't run away from. I just can't escape the PAST. It haunts me. It's like a degenerative disease which kills its victims slowly and painfully. No matter how hard I try to go up in life it pulls me back down.
It takes away my peace. It stops me from settling anywhere. It's the reason my sleep runs away from me. It’s why I'm so uncertain, confused and lost. I'm always restless, always trying to cover up what I did… or should I say what failed to do.
So, what did I do? I told a lie - a big one…
*Ugh* This is so hard to talk about, but here goes…
I was an oceanographer and scuba diver assigned to a once in a lifetime research project to the Great Barrier Reef. As part of my preparation for the trip I had to undergo rigorous mental, physical and health and safety training. The final and most important part of my training consisted of essential health and safety protocols. However, I was completely out of it on the last and most important day of my training because of the night I went on with CZ the night before. Of course, as the lightweight I am, my head was POUNDING so much that I could barely write my name, let alone take notes, much less remember anything the instructor said. Sounds bad doesn’t it, wait for it…
I effectively missed the most important class and was way too embarrassed to own up about what I did in front of all my colleagues who had done things properly, so I said nothing. CZ was the only one who knew and of course he came up with a “great idea”. He told me, “dZ why don’t you just use this earpiece and concealed mic and I’ll search up all the manoeuvres you get asked to do real time, and I’ll just talk you through them through your earpiece!” I had already aced the theory test so there was nothing to worry about there, however, the final emergency health and safety test was 100% practical, performed on a lifesize dummy and I could be asked to precisely perform manoeuvres I was expected to know at random, out of a total of 57 which we had been taught. The day that I missed by virtue of hangover was the day we learned the final 7 and most complicated manoeuvres. The trouble was that I was guaranteed to have 3 of these on my practical test. I panicked and went ahead with CZ’s plan and it actually WORKED… Well, it did until that day I’ll never forget...
Fast forward to the worst day of my life. I was living my dream, doing a deep dive at the never seen before region of the Reef. Me and colleague RC were the first two to dive down to the seafloor to gather initial samples and visuals. I was so absorbed by the untouched beauty of my surroundings that I forgot about my colleague. It wasn’t until I radioed her saying “RC isn’t this beautiful” with no response that I realised something was wrong. I looked back and saw a body floating lifelessly above the seabed. I made an amateurish attempt at what I could remember of an emergency underwater resuscitation manoeuvre, before taking hold of her for an emergency ascent back to our crew filled boat. By then, it was TOO LATE...
It turns out that RC hit her head on a rock during our descent and my manoeuvre worsened her condition. Only I knew the real reason why though. Well, me and CZ. Nevertheless, I lost the respect of everyone I knew. Nobody said it, but I knew everyone was wondering why I failed to perform the maneuver that would have saved her. I COULD SEE IT IN THEIR EYES - the judgement - the disappointment. I couldn't handle it anymore so I left my hometown, and ever since that day I’ve been running.
So here I am. I FEEL LIKE I’M DROWNING EVERYDAY! I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE! PLEASE HELP ME!
ST *Deep Voice*: Calm down.
dZ: Sorry, I've just had enough of this. There has to be another way. That’s why I’ve come to see you ST. That’s why I’ve come to tell you my story. They say you're the go to guy for anyone who wants to get rid of their past.
ST: I am who I am. You have to go back to go back.
dZ: Is that all you can say. I literally just poured out my biggest secrets to you, the deepest depths of my soul. What do you even mean? Where?
ST: To where it all started.
dZ: No no no! You don’t mean, the Reef?
dZ: And what in the world am I to do when I get back there!?
ST: You know what you have to do.
dZ: ...Own up?
dZ: To who?
ST: You know who…
dZ: My instructor.
ST: Yes, and…
dZ: I need to dive back down there and face my fear no matter how hard it is, and no matter what THE COST.
dZ: You realise I could go to prison when I own up to it. I won’t be able to dive back down there if I’m in cuffs… At least that would be less scary *chuckles painfully*.
dZ: Okay, I’ll do it. I’m going to go back to where this all started. I can’t live like this anymore, I have NOTHING TO LOSE...
*to be CONTINUED…*